So it is true that i am struggling with anxiety, but more recently with depression... at least that's what i think it is... i have all the signs of it... i am unhappy, i often fell angry, hopeless and indifferent to everything kinda like i am just going through the motions... and i don't laugh anymore, i laugh to be polite when someone says something funny or makes a joke but y'all know me... that is not how i am... i live to laugh, i love to laugh and the fact the i haven't really makes me sad... but to put your mind at ease, and make you aware... i will tell you that i am getting help (as hard as it is for me to ask for it), i am being taken care of. I really desire to serve the Lord with all my Heart, Might , Mind and Strength... my heart is in the right place , but my mind is a little off and with out my mind i cannot serve my Lord, and because of this, i have forced myself (with a little encouragement form my comp, whom i love with all my heart!) to ask for help so i can be an effective servant!
Please don't worry to much about me, and just know that i am being taken care of. I truly believe that the Lord takes care of his missionaries and although i don't know that reason he has given me this trial, i know that there is a wise purpose that the Lord has for it and that all will be ok. I love you all and thank you so much for your prayers and fasting in my behalf. I will get through this... i know i will (it is just hard to see when i am in the thick of it)... the Lord does not give his children anything that he will not help us through. maybe i must learn to trust the Lord more and allow him to carry this burden instead of me carrying it on my own... it's just hard to do when i feel so depressed that i can no longer feel the spirit... let me tell you... this is the most lonely and hopeless feeling and believe me, i can hear Satan in my own voice in my head telling me that i a truly alone, but i KNOW without a doubt and no matter how bad i feel that Satan is a liar and that my Savior suffered these things for me specifically so that i would never ever be alone i know that he is truly beside me and because of this i must press forward! I would ask that you mail me talks about the atonement and others that you think might help me further my understanding of the atonement so that i can give this burden to the Lord. And if it isn't too much trouble, i would like to have my art portfolio... i just want something to remind me of the one talent that i sort of posses... and i have people here who have discovered my talent by snooping in my planner and seeing doodles, and now they want to see the real things... wow that sounds totally boastful....
Anyway on a less depressing note!!! thanks giving was GREAT!! although i was away from family i didn't even get sad at all... we were up and going, visiting family after family and it was just a good day! I am disturbed by the amount of food we all ate, but it was totally worth it.... ok so this was our day... 9:00 am borther and sister bowman's (sister galts daughter) house for breakfast, them 11am Adrienne's house (recent convert) for brunch 1pm Lunch with bro and sis adams 2:30 stuffing at and investigators house 3pm dinner with the tuley and johnson family 5pm another dinner with the Qureshi family.. and then dessert with the carlisle family at 7pm.... i don't think i have ever had so much food in my life... all four of us were so full that by the end of the night none of us could sit up stright... it's pretty dross that we ate that much food, but my stomach hurt so bad and we were running all over that i didn't have time to think of what i was missing at home. I was pretty happy! for the first time in a while...
So it sounds like y'all had a pretty awesome thanksgiving... im glad that eirc was able to get home for it this year.
So we have another baptism coming up on saturday...the family will be getting baptized... oh yeah and we are doing it in Lake Laneir.... and it's gonna be cold... im just glad i don't have to get in the water its an interesting story actually... so the Elders found the father and started teaching him and then his wife was very upset with him for speaking to the Mormons, because she had been raised to believe that Mormons were a cult so she was very. When joey had found out for himself that it the book of Mormon was true, he of course wanted her to know, so he bore his testimony to her, and she decided to hear the lessons... so the elders called us and said that they wanted us to teach her, so we got all excited and ready to teach her and then she decided that she didn't want to anymore and tried to get joey to stop meeting with the elders, she tried bringing over her pastor form her church and looked up anti on the computer and everything... finally when he would not give in, she just decided to appease her husband and just get baptized with him... so we began to teach her and challenged her to read and find out for herself... she did, and as she began to read, very attitude toward us changed and she was less hostile and all the very pointed and argumentative questions that she had were eliminated as we taught her that Gospel of Jesus Christ. We taught her all the lessons and challenged her to do different things and she accepted whole heatedly and we know that she is keeping her commitments because we can see such a change in her... she quit drinking her sweet tea, cold turkey and enforced it for her family, she sat down with her husband and they figured out how they would pay tithing and are completely willing to live it! She now comes to church with her little family and loves having us over. Her countenance has changed and softened, and to be honest she is the rock of that family, i have no doubt that she will remain strong even after we leave. I am so excited for them and i know that they will never regret this decision to be baptized and come unto their Savior! Oh how the Lord loves this family and is blessing them for their dedication to him! So it will be Her and Her husband and their 11 year old son who will be baptized! so exciting!! I have gained a testimony of the power of the Book Of Mormon. The Book of Mormon changes behavior... because when we read this book, the spirit is with us and causes us to want to change! How can this book not be of God! I am coming to LOVE this book!
Anyway that is what is happening here in the field. I haven't heard anything more about the bikes, so im not going to worry about that till i actually come to it.
I can't wait to talk you y"all on Christmas! hopefully i get to skype!
well i better get going and i hope y'alls week goes great!
l love you and miss you
Love sister nielsen